Staying home

Yesterday was a trying day.  Not for me, but for my sisters, a cousin, and mom.  They moved mom’s older sister from one home to another in hopes she will be more comfortable and get much-needed attention and care.  She is 89 and is beginning to decline.  The care she needs is more specialized and beyond what any one of us are capable of giving her.

As this is a blog about life with mom, I wanted to imagine this from mom’s perspective first.  She really can’t process anything too deeply so much of what she knows has to be told to her on the day of rather than in advance.  So, my sisters, cousin, and mother converged at the old care home and proceeded to load the vehicles with all the earthly possessions of my aunt.

My sister summed up mom’s feelings about it all when she relayed mom’s response about the new home.  It was good enough for mom’s sister, but not for mom.  At the end of the day, mom was more than happy to return to her surrounding of choice – where my sisters are.

In my last post, I shared my idealistic dream of getting the remaining siblings of mom’s family together for a goodbye of sorts.  As I spoke to my sister about the day’s events over the phone, I came to the realization that not everyone wants the same thing!

Maybe the siblings simply want to be with their children because they are who they have invested the majority of their lives in.  It is their families, their homes, their lives they want to be part of in their last days.  Sure it would be nice, but when priorities are lined up our elderly aunts and uncles put their children and grandchildren at the top of the list and not each other.

My sister is right.  It is not about what she or I want – it is about listening carefully to what they want and making sure we honor their desires as closely as we can.  So for now, mom stays home.

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