Shoulda, coulda, woulda

I am currently reading a book that seems totally unrelated to life with mom.  In this book, the author speaks about current decisions, situations, circumstances reflecting the choices previously made.  Let me give a simple example:  someone who eats a healthy diet and exercises regularly in their twenties and thirties has a better chance at facing their forties and fifties in good health.

I don’t read copious amounts of research and literature on dementia, but I have tried to be a little more educated especially as I deal daily with life with mom.  What I have overwhelmingly found are warnings – warnings to those of us who can read the research.  Exercise.  Eat well.  Stay active.  Don’t take things for granted.  Who knew there is a correlation between high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and chronic conditions and dementia?  There is little out there between medical white papers and blog type articles and much of what is said is repetitive.  What I have learned unfortunately, does little good for the one on whose behalf I do the research.  What I have learned is helping me become educated about the choices I am currently making that will have an impact on me in years to come.

Here is the other part:  I regret not knowing the things I know now for mom’s sake.  I have a list of shoulda, coulda, woulda items that span the last 10 years or so.

  • I should have been more involved in mom’s health – keeping track of major events and researching the impact of such on her, keeping track of her daily regimen of diet, exercise, and medication, and being more tuned to her emotional state.
  • I could have helped when she was first diagnosed because apparently, there are things one can do!  From what I have read, we could have changed her diet, gotten her plugged in to a program, explained things to her while her executive functions were not totally a mess, and prepared ourselves for the changes that would inevitably come.
  • I would have been more supportive of the sister in whose care mom has been these last 10 years.  I am grateful that as a family, we are doing better to support each other, but I shoulda, coulda, woulda.

So, life with mom is taking a course that is irreversible.  We can do little else but make sure she is taken care of.  But, for those of you that will read these words, take care of yourselves – I know it has become a priority for me and my family.

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