Ask for help

I started a new job so I have had little time to post anything!  I so much loved to write and keep track of the goings on in our lives – it helped to sort out my feelings and the process of learning and adjusting.

We had a little incident that happened this week that is stuck in my craw.  The aunt that was moved into a new care home was “visited” by her former caregiver.  At first glance, it actually sounds like a nice gesture.  The caregiver had opened up her home to our aunt, yes for a price, but it seemed like such a nice arrangement at the time.

At first, life seemed so happy for our aunt.  She settled in and started calling her caregiver her “daughter”.  I should say that we are grateful that this was the case for quite awhile.  Then it started.  Our aunt’s cell phone would be taken away from her.  We couldn’t have conversations unless the caregiver was home to be in on the conversation.  During visits, extended family could not really detect anything was amiss.

To explain a little further, this caregiver rented out a couple of rooms in her house as the cost of living in that part of the country was pretty steep.  Those that rented space were happy to have a  room while they got on their feet enough to find a place of their own.  It was through these folks that my sisters started to get a different story than what was being shown during visits.  Though no one could really prove anything, some of the tenants were saying that the caregiver was abusive, abrasive and uncaring.

So, there was an element of surpise when my sisters found out that our aunt had been visited at her new home by this caregiver!  It was during this visit that the former caregiver asked our aunt to sign a document.  Exactly what it was, we have no idea.

So many unanswered questions for now, but we all need advocates.  We all need to know to say “no” if we are not sure of something.  Even the best of us – nevermind the elderly or those like our mother that is suffering from dementia – need trusted advisors to help make decisions.  I feel like I am of sound mind and judgment, but still ask for help.  It is never a sign of weakness to ask for help, but it is a sign of love to be one who helps.  I wish my aunt had known this – that she is loved and can always ask.


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