Nothing personal

Maybe I am nesting – no probably not, but I am going through a cleaning phase so we have made several trips to the county refuse collection facility and the local charities to donate reusable items.  We have also rearranged a little.  Again, this is quite a bit of change for a little old lady who has a hard enough time figuring out the cabinet for coffee cups and how to run the dryer.

I really think some of our activity has sparked in mom an old feeling of keeping her own house, after all she has kept her own house for the better part of a century.  So, while I sort and clean, she has been hunting for things to “put away” or throw away.  She has also become quite bossy and possessive.

She had a bossy statement for me this morning and I chuckled at the realization that I was not allowed to answer back when I was a child and now I still can’t answer back!  At least now I don’t a reason to because I have nothing to prove despite the fact that that I truly believes she thinks of me as a child.  After all, I am her daughter and she has no recollection of me growing up, getting married, and having children and grandchildren.

So, it is nothing personal.  When she might have had an agenda for her statements before, she does not now.  She can’t.  The problem is that I forget that it is nothing personal and my feelings get hurt – actually my pride gets very wounded.  You see there is still that little girl inside of me that wants my mother to be proud of the woman I have become.  Lesson learned – tell my own children how proud I am of them and how much I love them  – as many times as I can.

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